You know, they don't tell you how hard the transitions of life are going to be. They don't tell you about the trials, hick-ups, and unforeseen issues. They don't tell you that financial stability is a joke for most people.
I'm newly married, and a new homeowner. I honestly am so blessed with the life God has given me. My husband is loving and attentive. I adore my bonus-daughter. Our new home is beautiful.... there's always a "but". It ultimately comes down to money. Our house is placed, the land cleared, but we've come up short. As seems to be the trend. I know that this, along with so much else in life, is a beautiful test of faith and trust in my Heavenly Daddy, but I'd be lying if I told you I'm not sick to my stomach with anxiety. I just want to live in my new home. I want for everything to be hooked up and ready for us. I don't want my faith to be trusted. I just want to skip right to the blessing at the end. I'm sick with worry of how everything is going to come together, and how we'll get it all paid for. This is our home. It's not something we can cut corners on or half-ass.
Don't get me wrong, God has already shown-up in mighty ways. Which just makes it more ridiculous that I'm struggling to sit at His feet, instead of pacing anxiously. I can't see the end, so I worry. All I can see is what hasn't been done and the dollar signs adding up. Truthfully, I'm allowing myself to become painfully weighed down. I need to give Jesus my burdens.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Abba,
I ask you for help. I sit here, laying my burdens at the foot of the cross. They are not mine to carry. Help me to not pick them up anymore, and if I do, remind me to set them down again. I choose to trust you to take care of my family and I. It's hard to see how right-now, but I know that you love us and you will not leave us high and dry.
I thank you for all that you've already done. You've already shown up in mighty ways, and I trust that you will never stop doing so.
Give us guidance as we move forward, and wisedom to know when to wait. Pour your peace over us.
We love you, Dad.
In Jesus Name, Amen