Being sick and having no energy was hard in the first trimester, but seeing my daughter on the sonograms and hearing her heart beat gave me a feeling I can't begin to describe.
The second trimester was physically really easy. It's when I started feeling her move, and when I learned that she was a girl. I had all my energy back, and I was actually starting to *look* pregnant. Emotionally though, it was a big struggle. I learned that I would have to have a C-section, instead of having the completely natural birth that I've always dreamed of. To say that I was able to take it all at face value and just see the things I should be thankful for, would be a big huge lie. My Doctor told me the news over the phone, and instead of being able to keep my wits about me and ask intelligent questions, I got off the phone as quickly as possible. Why, you ask? Because I felt a massive emotional breakdown coming. I locked myself in the bathroom at work and just sobbed for a few minutes. It would be safe to say I cried everyday for about a week before I was able to start to come to terms with my situation. I was grieving the loss of my dream. Also, I was pissed at God for not putting me back together and healing me to have my child naturally. It was a feeling of missing out on a beautiful experience. Somehow God brought me through to the other side, though.
Now on my 32nd week and in my third trimester, I have a lot better of an outlook on my birth plan. God blessed me immensely with the specialists He provided for me. They are kind and knowledgeable. I truly am looking forward to working with them. Of course I'm apprehensive of having surgery, especially since mine won't be routine, but I'm trusting that God will walk me through it and keep me safe. I'm so in love with feeling my daughter move. Even with her still inside my womb, I'm learning her personality. Every night before bed, Justin will put his mouth to my stomach and talk to her, which is honestly the highlight of my day. She gets so excited when she hears his voice.
I'm so excited for November to get here so that she can come out and meet us. Which has nothing to do with how done with being swollen and having a basketball for a stomach, I am, haha.