It feels strange to say that trying to breastfeed may be one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to accomplish, but I think it could easily be true.
I has been such an emotional journey. More so than I ever imagined it would be. From Ember latching on in recovery, to her fighting feeds, to her dropping too much weight, to me starting my pumping journey, to her gaining her weight back but then refusing the breast, to getting her tongue tie revised and her still refusing to nurse… it’s been a lot. I’ve cried countless tears. I’ve yelled at God... I’ve begged Him to do something, and now I think I’m on a journey to accepting where we’re at and grieving the nursing journey I wanted.
I know that this is just the beginning of things not going my way. A good friend told me that when I found out I had to have a C-section, and another good friend said that this is just the beginning of having to trust God with my daughter.
I’m trying to take this thing one step at a time. I’m making small goals for myself. I have officially been pumping for two months as of January 18th. My next goal is to make it to three. I would love to look back a year from now and say that I pumped for a year, but I know that to make it, I need small goals. Not a huge daunting one.
Pumping takes a lot of planning and forethought. It’s time consuming. But I love every ounce of breast milk I’m able to give my daughter.
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