I feel drained of all of my energy. Sapped of all ability to do anything.
All that may sound extremely melodramatic, but it's how I feel right now.
I know that it all comes down to me trusting my heavenly Dad.
I want to feel wanted. It's a feeling I can't get from friends or family. Or at least, if I do, it's fleeting. I know this. So I crave relationship. A boyfriend. A husband. Because, in my mind, it's the ultimate "I'm wanted", but again, this won't solve my craving.
Only Daddy can do that. He's the only one who can quench my thirst and hunger to feel like for once in my life, I'm not unwanted. I'm not out of place. I'm not an after thought, I'm not an embarrassment.
I'm loved lavishly. Excitedly awaited. He is especially fond of me.
You know, there's a difference between knowing and believing something in your head, and believing it so deeply in your heart that it ripples into every particle of your being.
This is my journey. This is where I am. A heart wrenching, disbelieving, blubbering mess of a place. This won't be forever, though. I'm not at a standstill. I have a good good Daddy.