For the Kingdom

   Lately life has felt quite messy. -Though, I suppose life is always messy, there are just times when it is more apparent to us because of situations that arise.- I've allowed the goings on of life to not only distract, but over-whelm me. So much so that some days it really seems as though I'm just going through the motions of life because I have no other option. I've lost sight of having actual communion with God, and in return, being a vessel for His living water to flow through.

   I'm currently reading (or listening to.. I love audible) Blessed Child by Ted Dekker. It's about a boy named Caleb who was raised in a monetary in Ethiopia. He was taught from a very young age to "seek first the kingdom of God", that inside of us, there isn't room for both light and darkness, therefore a choice must be made as to what we will live for.

   I haven't been living for the kingdom. I've been living for laziness and ease of life. What do I do in my down time alone? Typically, watch Netflix. I don't use my time wisely, and I don't fill myself with real worthwhile things. Things that not only are life giving, but also things that cultivate growth.

   Eight years from now I will be 30. I don't want to look back on my 20s and think "man... what a waste..". I want to have a long list of books that I've read, both fiction and non-fiction. I want to be in a vastly different place in my walk with God. I want my friendships to be deep. I don't want to live my life on the internet.

  I am thankful for so many things about this day and age, but we are certainly surrounded by so many distractions. Distractions by which I feel controlled at times. I believe the vast amount of people diagnosed with ADHD, don't actually have it. They just never have had to focus on one thing for any amount of time. I mean, I can't even make myself watch a tv show hardly, without having my phone out also.

  Something I'm challenging myself to do, is to be more unplugged. I don't need to be on Facebook twenty times a day, or any other social media for that matter. I don't need my phone as a buffer in social situations, though that one I am currently having an inner struggle about. The first thing I do every morning, before even getting out of bed, is get on social media. I'm wasting my life on this junk.

  How can I expect to pour the love of God out onto every person I meet, if most of what I fill myself with is tv and the internet? Honestly, I don't know how to change things except by stopping each time I catch myself just disappearing into my phone.

  God has so much for me in this world, and I'm missing it. I don't want to live this way. I want to be the change I want to see in this world. I want to be different. So this is me, fighting to grow and change. Fighting to be more than the norm.


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